one of my favorites...
"This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for it's own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." -George Bernard Shaw a compilation of his quotes put together by a student of Uta Hagen's
Monday, January 14, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Choose Joy
I'm Emmy, I'm 35, and I'm infertile.
Wait, let me back up. I'm Emmy. Krystina has been so sweet to allow me to invade her space for the day. I own Much Ado About You {where I used to sell printed day planners, and now I just sell printables}, I occasionally blog {Confesstions of a Paper Freak}, and I incessantly Instagram {@itsjustemmy}. I am married to my high school sweetheart and as of this year we have been together for more than half our lives.
Almost 11 years ago I got pregnant for the first time. Nathan and I were so excited, and immediately started planning that child's future. We were thinking of names... wondering if it would be a boy or a girl... hoping its due date of December 26th would not mean we were going to have a Christmas baby.
But just a few days later I started bleeding heavily, and knew in an instant that that baby was gone.
We had only just begun trying to get pregnant, but I had so many friends experiencing infertility and I begged God to spare us from that roller coaster.
Our doctor told us that since we were so early in the pregnancy I would not need a D & C, and that technically I could get pregnant as soon as my next cycle.
Which I did.
That pregnancy was such a relief, and I vividly remember thanking God that I was never going to have to walk that long and painful road of infertility.
A year after Beau was born we decided to start trying for a second baby. We wanted four, so we thought we'd better get going!
God had different plans for our family.
The next six years were spent going from one doctor's appointment to the next... from one surgery to the next... all in an effort to figure out why my young and seemingly healthy body was not working.
I have Endometriosis, a condition that basically destroys your body from the inside out. During my final surgery my doctor made the painful decision to remove both of my non-functioning fallopian tubes, hoping it would increase the chance of my third and final IVF {invitro-fertilization} treatment being successful.
The next month we had our final IVF procedure. It failed. We were done.
We were physically {well mostly me on that one}, emotionally, and financially spent. The chance of a natural pregnancy was eliminated with the removal of my tubes. I was officially STERILE. It is still strange to say those words. I am a woman that cannot do what I was created to do... bear children. That is a very strange reality to be faced with.
I spent seven dark years in the thick of my infertility {I say "my" infertility because the issues were mine... with another woman my husband could have had more children... more salt in the wounds}. For some of those years Nathan and I were not on the same page. He didn't understand my desperation for a child when I already was a mom. Those years I struggled with a deep loneliness that I had never known. It is so hard to explain what infertility feels like to someone that has never experienced it, but the bottom line is... IT SUCKS.
However, God also used those seven years to challenge my character and bring me to a place of total trust and reliance on His plan for my life. I came to a point where I had to say, "God, I love you and I trust you, and I know that {while very different from mine} Your plan is the best plan for my life. So even if I never have another baby I will praise you and be thankful for whatever it is that you call me to do."
And I really was at peace. Without tubes I no longer had to live in two week cycles, wondering if each late period was the one. I had an incredible eight year old that was the joy of my life, a loving, supportive husband, a thriving business... life was good.
Now since I have already babbled on for quite some time {and probably lost most of you} I will leave this next part of the story short and sweet {if you would like to read the whole story, you can find it here}. Through miraculous circumstances, in March of 2011 we brought home the most beautiful baby girl that looks nothing like us.
And in the instant that I met her I understood every no that God had placed in my path.
If you are in a season of not understanding the circumstances of your life, please be encouraged that someday you may understand and even appreciate the painful path that you are walking.
Since experiencing infertility and adoption I have a heart for encouraging hurting women. Several months ago I felt a calling on my life to do something to help other women that are experiencing similar trials, and the Choose Joy event was born.
Choose Joy is a one-day conference in Southern California for women and couples that are experiencing infertility and/or desire to grow their families through adoption. I have somehow convinced several other women from all over the country to come and be a part of this event. We have speakers on topics such as "God's Heart for the Hurting; Waiting Hurts, Waiting Perfects", "Having a Heart of Hope: Overcoming the Hurt of Infertility", "The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly of International Adoption", and much, much more. My desire is for this to be a day of connection and community, and for women to open their minds to the plan that God has for their family.
The event will include a luncheon and a dessert, and at the end we will be raffling off a cash prize to help someone grow their family.
Tickets are on sale for $30 through the 25th of January. {After that the price goes up to $40, so don't delay!} Please visit the website for all the details on the location and schedule, bios on each speaker, and to register for the event.
If you aren't experiencing infertility, statistics say that someone you know is. Please pass this website on to your friends or family that could use some support.
Thanks for reading my story.
XOXO,
Emmy
Wait, let me back up. I'm Emmy. Krystina has been so sweet to allow me to invade her space for the day. I own Much Ado About You {where I used to sell printed day planners, and now I just sell printables}, I occasionally blog {Confesstions of a Paper Freak}, and I incessantly Instagram {@itsjustemmy}. I am married to my high school sweetheart and as of this year we have been together for more than half our lives.
Almost 11 years ago I got pregnant for the first time. Nathan and I were so excited, and immediately started planning that child's future. We were thinking of names... wondering if it would be a boy or a girl... hoping its due date of December 26th would not mean we were going to have a Christmas baby.
But just a few days later I started bleeding heavily, and knew in an instant that that baby was gone.
We had only just begun trying to get pregnant, but I had so many friends experiencing infertility and I begged God to spare us from that roller coaster.
Our doctor told us that since we were so early in the pregnancy I would not need a D & C, and that technically I could get pregnant as soon as my next cycle.
Which I did.
That pregnancy was such a relief, and I vividly remember thanking God that I was never going to have to walk that long and painful road of infertility.
A year after Beau was born we decided to start trying for a second baby. We wanted four, so we thought we'd better get going!
God had different plans for our family.
The next six years were spent going from one doctor's appointment to the next... from one surgery to the next... all in an effort to figure out why my young and seemingly healthy body was not working.
I have Endometriosis, a condition that basically destroys your body from the inside out. During my final surgery my doctor made the painful decision to remove both of my non-functioning fallopian tubes, hoping it would increase the chance of my third and final IVF {invitro-fertilization} treatment being successful.
The next month we had our final IVF procedure. It failed. We were done.
We were physically {well mostly me on that one}, emotionally, and financially spent. The chance of a natural pregnancy was eliminated with the removal of my tubes. I was officially STERILE. It is still strange to say those words. I am a woman that cannot do what I was created to do... bear children. That is a very strange reality to be faced with.
I spent seven dark years in the thick of my infertility {I say "my" infertility because the issues were mine... with another woman my husband could have had more children... more salt in the wounds}. For some of those years Nathan and I were not on the same page. He didn't understand my desperation for a child when I already was a mom. Those years I struggled with a deep loneliness that I had never known. It is so hard to explain what infertility feels like to someone that has never experienced it, but the bottom line is... IT SUCKS.
However, God also used those seven years to challenge my character and bring me to a place of total trust and reliance on His plan for my life. I came to a point where I had to say, "God, I love you and I trust you, and I know that {while very different from mine} Your plan is the best plan for my life. So even if I never have another baby I will praise you and be thankful for whatever it is that you call me to do."
And I really was at peace. Without tubes I no longer had to live in two week cycles, wondering if each late period was the one. I had an incredible eight year old that was the joy of my life, a loving, supportive husband, a thriving business... life was good.
Now since I have already babbled on for quite some time {and probably lost most of you} I will leave this next part of the story short and sweet {if you would like to read the whole story, you can find it here}. Through miraculous circumstances, in March of 2011 we brought home the most beautiful baby girl that looks nothing like us.
And in the instant that I met her I understood every no that God had placed in my path.
If you are in a season of not understanding the circumstances of your life, please be encouraged that someday you may understand and even appreciate the painful path that you are walking.
Since experiencing infertility and adoption I have a heart for encouraging hurting women. Several months ago I felt a calling on my life to do something to help other women that are experiencing similar trials, and the Choose Joy event was born.
Choose Joy is a one-day conference in Southern California for women and couples that are experiencing infertility and/or desire to grow their families through adoption. I have somehow convinced several other women from all over the country to come and be a part of this event. We have speakers on topics such as "God's Heart for the Hurting; Waiting Hurts, Waiting Perfects", "Having a Heart of Hope: Overcoming the Hurt of Infertility", "The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly of International Adoption", and much, much more. My desire is for this to be a day of connection and community, and for women to open their minds to the plan that God has for their family.
The event will include a luncheon and a dessert, and at the end we will be raffling off a cash prize to help someone grow their family.
Tickets are on sale for $30 through the 25th of January. {After that the price goes up to $40, so don't delay!} Please visit the website for all the details on the location and schedule, bios on each speaker, and to register for the event.
If you aren't experiencing infertility, statistics say that someone you know is. Please pass this website on to your friends or family that could use some support.
Thanks for reading my story.
XOXO,
Emmy
Monday, January 7, 2013
Happy Monday
a favorite quote to start your week...
from the book Audition by Michael Shurtleff
i think we can use this in every aspect of life, not just acting...
"What confounds me is: Why do actors so love to make the negative choice? Look how you fought like a tigress to hang onto your negative choices! And negative choices don't do you any good; they drown you, obliterate you; they keep any auditor from knowing who you are. They're only one side of you, and they're not the side that motivate your life! You are motivated by dreams, not negative realities. Reality creates the problems, dreams are how we deal with them. Dreams are why we stay alive. If you leave out your dreams, you leave out the very best part of you as a human being."
i think we can use this in every aspect of life, not just acting...
"What confounds me is: Why do actors so love to make the negative choice? Look how you fought like a tigress to hang onto your negative choices! And negative choices don't do you any good; they drown you, obliterate you; they keep any auditor from knowing who you are. They're only one side of you, and they're not the side that motivate your life! You are motivated by dreams, not negative realities. Reality creates the problems, dreams are how we deal with them. Dreams are why we stay alive. If you leave out your dreams, you leave out the very best part of you as a human being."
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
announcing...
a whole new look for The Chatty Mommy!
i am so excited to announce the new Chatty Mommy blog!!!
please stop by to check it out.
her buttons change when you hover over them! love!!
i had so much fun working with Rachel on her new design.
i created a new header, social buttons, menu buttons, post divider, and more!
stop by my web design place; the creative arcade
to see what's new and what i can help you with :)
i am so excited to announce the new Chatty Mommy blog!!!
please stop by to check it out.
her buttons change when you hover over them! love!!
i had so much fun working with Rachel on her new design.
i created a new header, social buttons, menu buttons, post divider, and more!
stop by my web design place; the creative arcade
to see what's new and what i can help you with :)
xoxo,
krystina
Thursday, November 29, 2012
today
i believe God gives us gifts, and puts it on our hearts to be passionate about and want to use these gifts. and because of this there are times we want to be in many places at once. it's hard to be patient. i was a part of a bible study that i had to subtract. i honestly wish i could be in bible study while learning how to code an HTML 5 image slider, while auditioning for a film, while playing with my son, while sketching, while knitting, while filming a difficult role of a schitzophrenic woman or maybe she's on the verge of craziness because she feels the full force of life fiercely ripping through her dream of what life was supposed to be, while sipping hot cocoa, while feeding the hungry, while journaling, while spending girl time with my amazing daughters, while watching 50 incredible must see but i haven't seen movies, while rocking babies in the nicu, while running barefoot down the shore, while reading every classic book ever written, while having a delicious glass of valpolicella with the most incredible man (my husband the surfer guy) who introduced me to the sweetly intoxicating red from Italy, while sheltering the homeless, while riding a bike with a basket of flowers, a bottle of wine, and a baguette from the market to my Italian villa, while sharing the word of God with the whole wide world, while marking and rehearsing a difficult scene with Matt Damon or Leonardo Dicaprio, while designing a beautiful blog for a sweet friend, while having a picnic in the grass staring at the puffy white clouds with my family, while singing in church, while sipping tea, while dreaming.
we can't do it all at once, but all of these are desires of mine every single day. and it is agonizing at times to choose. and agonizing to wait for others. i chose to cancel bible study, the homework was dry, Brockman was not happy with the childcare, i just wasn't getting much from this particular curriculum/group. for now i will study with "she reads truth" God knows i need to be in His word, there's just different ways for each one of us. has this happened to you? have you had to drop something that was supposed to be good for you? i think it's good if we live true to ourselves (not easier) but better constantly improving, learning, learning... learning.
i don't know if anyone still reads my lonely blog, but if you are i hope i have helped or inspired you in some way today.
...and then the next day i want to learn how to surf while taking photos of old city architecture, while studying under renown acting coaches, while spending a month in Tavarua watching my husband catch his favorite waves, while enjoying an anisari yoga class, while digging deeper into Ephesians, Psalms, Proverbs and the life of Paul, while spending weeks and weeks with my mother, while watching a monarch butterfly emerge from its chrysalis....
are these my plans? no, that's the sure way to make God laugh; tell Him your plans. no, these are dreams and a daily todo list that blinks in my head. sometimes i get to do a few of these things. we'll see what God has in store for other days.
we can't do it all at once, but all of these are desires of mine every single day. and it is agonizing at times to choose. and agonizing to wait for others. i chose to cancel bible study, the homework was dry, Brockman was not happy with the childcare, i just wasn't getting much from this particular curriculum/group. for now i will study with "she reads truth" God knows i need to be in His word, there's just different ways for each one of us. has this happened to you? have you had to drop something that was supposed to be good for you? i think it's good if we live true to ourselves (not easier) but better constantly improving, learning, learning... learning.
i don't know if anyone still reads my lonely blog, but if you are i hope i have helped or inspired you in some way today.
...and then the next day i want to learn how to surf while taking photos of old city architecture, while studying under renown acting coaches, while spending a month in Tavarua watching my husband catch his favorite waves, while enjoying an anisari yoga class, while digging deeper into Ephesians, Psalms, Proverbs and the life of Paul, while spending weeks and weeks with my mother, while watching a monarch butterfly emerge from its chrysalis....
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
going out of business (it's a good thing) SALE!!!!!
hello lovely friends. big changes are coming so i am selling off my lollipops inventory!
get your goodies at 75% off while they last with this code: BIGHUGESALE
from this point forward i will be focusing on my acting career and web design to fund said acting career :) stay tuned for updates of both.
this will be your last chance to get my handmade goodies. it's the perfect time to shop for the holidays!
i will also continue to make customized playdate cards until i am just too busy to, because i just can't deny my paper addiction :)
get your goodies at 75% off while they last with this code: BIGHUGESALE
this will be your last chance to get my handmade goodies. it's the perfect time to shop for the holidays!
i will also continue to make customized playdate cards until i am just too busy to, because i just can't deny my paper addiction :)
i will keep you posted.
happy shopping!
xoxo,
krystina
Monday, September 24, 2012
i got the part!
i had so much fun auditioning! <--i know! can you believe it?
i spent a lot of time preparing for this little part and glad i did,
it really helped in the audition room.
it's just a little indie film, but i am so happy to be cast!
off to a great start!
thanks for your sweet wishes!
xoxo,
krystina
Monday, September 10, 2012
i am going to an audition
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love,
you have to find the courage to live it." - John Irving
i am in this thing and i can't believe it
it is my dream, yet each step feels like i am about to jump off a cliff
will i fall or fly?
my knees get weak
my tummy leaps
my heart skips a beat
all whenever i imagine going to an audition
i want to experience this as God has chosen for me.
i want to use this as a platform in which to help others
to educate
to serve
to give
right now i don't have a platform, all i have is time. and yet that just doesn't seem to be enough.
i have been given of gift of passion - i have been taught to go after and use that passion.
i want to use this life fully and arrive at heaven's gates used up and spent having served His purpose.
will i fall or fly?
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